Mom and Rock Visit Austin

Mom and Rocki came to Austin last week and we had a great time. The weather was warm and sunny (ok, blazing hot and sunny) but we did get a thunderous shower with Texas-size hail while they were here and that broke up the weather for just an afternoon. Thank goodness it wasn't that pelting hail that dents cars, that we've heard so much about.

We did so much over the weekend they were here it's really amazing. I told my co-workers when I returned to work and they were stunned that I dragged my poor mother all over the tourist guide when she was here, but it was all fun fun fun.

Last weekend was fun too. We went to the movies to see Mary Poppins. I don't know that I've every really watched the whole movie from beginning to end, so that was fun. The film even broke in the middle of the showing which made us all laugh and remember that's what it used to be like going to the movies.

This weekend is the 4th of July and it will be my first in Texas. I'm not sure what they do around here for the holiday itself. I'm sure there's fireworks or something. We'll be going on Sunday to the Zilker Theatre in the Barton Springs park to see Beauty and the Beast. Our friend Leslie is playing the role of Lumiere and we're anxious to spend the day with Aunt Bea and celebrate his birthday.

I hope this writing finds you well. I'm doing pretty good. I'm 254 today down from 280 on May 20th. So, let's see that makes an average of just over 4 lbs a week. So, pretty good. I'm feeling better and although I don't really "see" any changes yet, folks around me say they do. So, I haven't had to buy any new clothes yet, we'll see if that changes soon too.

A Hopeful Story - Edith Macefield

Here's a story.. about a stubborn old woman who refused to sell her home worth $120k for even a million dollars. She only wanted to die on the couch that her mother died on, in the home she bought for her in 1955. So, while the rest of the world built up around her, she remained steadfast and in her modest home, and her old blue car.

Here's the original story, the most recent story can be found by clicking on the title of the blogpost: http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/333917_macefield02.html

It's a wonderful story I came across a few months ago, and now she's passed away. But, she died exactly as she wanted. In her little home, on the same couch in the same way her mother passed away.

Oh No. In Memoriam

I only really have one source of political news that I trusted.. and that was Tim Russert. I'm so saddened by his passing. From his weekly Meet the Press show where we got to watch him grill politicians and others with questions no one else seemed to be asking, to his daily appearances on the Today show - I always looked to Tim for the "True" perspective of things.

I didn't really trust anyone else because Tim always seemed to boil it down and provide the big picture in all his assessments. And, he was excited about the process of elections and it made me excited too. I record the Today show, mostly so when I come home rather than watching the current line-up of pathetic newscasters - I could catch up with just a few-minute segment with Tim instead.

This is such a great loss - and really - at this point - I don't know where I'll get the straight scoop anymore.

How It's Going So Far

So, I hadn't updated my blog like I hoped I would because I was feeling pretty poorly right after surgery. But, I'm feeling great now, so no more excuses.

Beginning weight 280, Current weight 257

I went to Austin Surgical Hospital in the morning of my surgery. The folks there were very nice. I went ahead and cut all my hair off so I wouldn't have to do the dirty hair thing in the hospital - gross.

The surgery itself was good except that those lovely folks could not find my veins for the I.V. Fourteen pokes later and calling in the Anesthesiologist to find the vein and I was out in no time at all. I remember being wheeled into the operating room and even moving over to the table. But, then it was me waking up. It didn't hurt too bad, I was mostly just tired. I was sore too but mostly feeling nausea from the gas that they use. They fill you with gas to move around inside you, so that gets trapped inside once they close you up. It feels like indigestion but only worse.

After I got home, I was on the couch for a week. I thought I'd bounce right up maybe 2, or at the most three days later. Nope.

The pain medication made me feel like a zombie and I was nauseous and had a fever. It was difficult to hold down even water. I didn't throw-up once. That's good because that's one of the things they warn about as you don't want your band to slip. Unfortunately I got so dehydrated and potassium deficient I was extremely weak and my legs felt like they were on fire! No - really. On fire.

But once the fever went away and I could eat a smashed banana and have some water, all was better. I wasn't able to go back to work the second week after all. I was still too sore. My bruising on my stomach didn't start until the second week and then it was so painful, I could hardly move. I stopped taking the pain medication however because I just felt foggy, not better, because of it.

In fact, I think I really started getting better when I stopped taking that medication.

So, I'm back at work. I'm feeling great. Although I haven't had my first saline fill. I'm expecting to do that next week - and I'll let you know how it goes. I'm not looking forward to it, because it means more needles. God, I hate those! But I am anxious to have the fill because my appetite has been growing. And, without the restriction of the band, there's not much to keep me from eating.

The nurse at the clinic said, "well, until we get your band filled you'll just have to restrain yourself. Just don't eat."

Hello?! If it were that simple - would I have needed the surgery in the first place? Thought not.

I'll be happy to let you know how I'm progressing but folks have already said they've seen progress. I don't so much see it yet, but my pants do fit just a little looser but I haven't gone down a size or anything yet. I hope you're doing well - and I look forward to seeing you soon.

A Moment of Pause and Meditation

I'm so glad... I took the time prior to the surgery to just spend some time with myself and nature. I was with friends, and so I wasn't alone. But, what it provided was an opportunity for me to have a moment to reflect on the way I've been living with my eating and diet, and how that's going to change.

I was outside of Nashville, Illinois and it was such a peaceful and serene setting. There was a beautiful lake and I let Priscilla and the Empress talk me into canoing into the middle of the lake. Normally not such a scary thing but I was doing my best to avoid anything that might result in a bruise or bump. I didn't want anything to come between me and the surgery.

They were very clever though and convinced me to sit in the middle of the canoe and they would paddle at either end.

What I didn't realize was that my butt would be on the cold metal bottom,

I'd be sitting cross-legged between two metal cross-bars. This resulted in a claustrophobic and penned-in position. My fear was that the canoe would roll and I'd be pinned. It only got worse when the confined position made my legs, feet and ass completely fall asleep! This made me go into a panic and a rocking of the canoe which left us all giggling and me begging to return to shore. It was fun however.

I did pass up horseback riding knowing that with my luck I'd be thrown. So while the others went riding it gave me the perfect opportunity to sit and watch the peaceful lake and beautiful woods.

I can't really say how things will change. I've become so accustomed to eating such large portions I can't fathom a person can eat such a small amount and not suffer from hunger. But, I'm trusting this process and the doctors and know that if they say it's so, then it probably is.

Mostly, I enjoyed looking upon this occasion as my "last fat weekend". So many times I've gone on retreats or camping and have felt left out because I didn't feel comfortable doing the things that my friends were doing. Once, I actually wanted to go horseback riding but was told there was a 250 lb weight limit. It was embarrassing to have to sit on the sidelines while others enjoyed a period on the trails.

Unfortunately, there was nothing on the menu I could eat at this retreat. Quite literally everything was carbs with a side of carbs. LOL. Isn't that poetic? My last weekend and unable to eat.

Priscilla to the rescue who arranged for some meat and cheese so that I wouldn't starve. At one point we joked that if I didn't eat something by the end of the weekend, I wouldn't need the surgery.

All in all it was a wonderful time to reflect and laugh with friends. I got to spend the weekend with Empress and Dixie - two of my most favorite people in the world - along with Priscilla who was so sweet and treated me like royalty. I sure do love life - and the wonderful people who make up the bulk of it. It was nice to be home though. Monday was my pre-op appointment. My weight: 272lbs.

I look forward to seeing you all soon.

Gettin My Eat On.. One Last Time

OK. So, it's probably like an alcoholic who's going into rehab the next day. I'm all about one last hurrah.

It's weird though if you think about it. The notion that a person is used to eating a certain amount of food. Maybe not at every sitting, but you know how even you probably get at say, Thanksgiving. It usually involves eating alot. If not to the point where you're uncomfortable, at least more than you usually do.

So, that's me.

Eating more than you usually do.
Eating more than I usually do more often than I usually should
Resulting in more poundage than a person should usually carry
Ending in health effects not usually found in a person my age.
Following so far?

But I genuinely love to eat.

Not just because it's gluttonous, which it can be, but because I like the whole ritual. I like selecting the location and the preparation and anticipation of getting into the car with friends. I like the changed atmosphere of eating at different places. I like the contemplation of the different choices and weighing what the restaurant's specialty is against my likes and dislikes. Many of my friends know I can never make up my mind in the end, and usually ask the server do you like choice A better, or choice B? Always following the advice of someone who probably has had each dish a hundred times.

I like to take notice of the table setting and how nice things are laid out. I like to be greeted by friendly folks, who seem happy to see me, even if the goal is to solicit the largest tip they can garner from me.

I also like the chat and banter with folks I love while waiting to see the various selections come out of the kitchen and land in front of each of my friends and family. I adore the oohs and ahhs as we see what each other ordered. Maybe I should have ordered that? "Can I have a taste?" Or maybe "I'll just order that next time."

And then there's the meal of course. If it's good, preferably large portions. Because I like the taste. And I don't want it to be over quickly. I like the different textures. Rob and my family have gotten used to my odd manner of eating by mixing up all my food on the plate. The end result may look a little scrambled everything - but that's how I like it.

I like to see how the flavors mix together and yet, how they are separate. I like the different flavors mixing together and yet remaining independent enough for me to discern what I've taken a spoonful of. And, I like the texture of meat, and a vegetable and I really like it when there's a crunch-thing somewhere thrown in there.

Yes. I love to eat.

Of course, this is a curse as much as a blessing. It's a blessing because through lots and lots of error in my adolescent attempts at cooking (just ask my brothers and sister about the debacles of cinnamon spaghetti or ketchup and chili pepper shepherd pie), I've learned over time how to cook. What goes good together - what textures do NOT work together, what colors look most appropriate on a plate and how to create a dish out of what you just have on hand. I can do these things. All because I love food.

The curse is self-evident. There's no need to go into long detail here. There's by-products that some know about of course. Sleep apnea, elevated blood pressure, constant fatigue, inability to sit in certain seats, choosing tables over booths at restaurants, walking a much shorter distance than the beautiful scenery deserves, running out of breath after just a few steps of stairs. etc. It really does go on ad infinitum but it culminates in an overall appearance and feeling that leaves me feeling left-out. Not part of society. Not like everyone else.

I've had airline stewards stand by as I seat myself on a plane with a warning that if my seat-belt doesn't fit around me I may need to make other arrangements, such as purchasing an additional seat (if one seat belt doesn't fit how will two seats side-by-side belts work?), I've missed every swimming season since 1996 because I refuse to be seen in a swim-suit which has resulted in a pale freckly skin that hasn't seen the sun in a decade. And most recently kids pointing and calling me names which brought about all manner of horrible high-school flashback.

No. The time has come to be willing to trade the love of food and eat - rituals and all to become a member of society again. Some people can balance their love of food with a healthy life and waistline. I - it would appear - after years of failed trying - that I am not one of them.

So, while I'll be able to eat anything I want (well almost anything - no popcorn, carbonated beverages, flour products like tortillas - what? tortillas!?!!) I won't be eating in the quantities that I've become accustomed to. I'm kinda sad about it. But NOT depressed!

I'm too looking forward to the change in my life to be dragged down by what I'll be missing. I hope you join me in that sentiment.

So on to the pictures. One of my favorite restaurants in Austin is Magnolia Cafe. I'm going to miss breakfast tacos. But, I'd also like to go swimming and ride my bike again.

We had a beautiful weekend. Sure it rained, but the sky was amazing and the rain drops were huge! Also the wind really kicked up and sleeping with the windows open I watched the trees whip around all night and rustle me to sleep.

There's a funny restaurant here called "Fran's". In itself it's not a funny hamburger restaurant but there's a very similar restaurant called "Dan's". So similar, it's identical. Identical because they are! Fran and Dan got a divorce and had to split their business. So, half the restaurant's are Dan's, and half are Fran's - otherwise, exactly the same.

Lastly, we went to my favorite restaurant in Texas, so far, on Mother's day. It's the Silver K in Johnson City. They have the most amazingly delicious food. Here's some fantastic chicken they serve there, pecan crusted fried chicken. Yum.

I hope this finds you well. The count down to May 20th has begun. That's the date of my surgery. Today the scale read 271 which is down from 281 when I started eating an all protein diet in preparation for surgery. It can only get better.

Today was the Day

Well my friends. Today was the day. I'm coming out. Not in the way that you might think. Or, you might be thinking - I thought you already did that?

I'm coming out as an ashamed and embarrassed person.

It's not been something I've been comfortable with. I, like many of the people in America, am obese.

I haven't really wanted to talk about it. It's a sore subject. I've talked about everything there is to talk about. "Really? That diet worked for you? Well thanks - yes, I'll try that". "Yes, I'm sure portion control is important. Thanks". and "Thanks, I know maybe if I exercised more...".

Most of my well meaning friends and family have offered solicited and unsolicited advice, recommendations and condolences over the years. I take these without any malice because I know they are never delivered with any. I feel wonderful to be loved and supported by so many folks who feel compelled to tell me that they have concern for me, and my health, and my long term ability to be around for the long haul if I don't do something about my weight.

So, I've been working for about 5 years now to try and get Lap Band surgery. As might imagine it's pretty expensive. I think about $25,000 for the procedure and anaesthesiologist. I've been trying to convince my HMO and now PPO that this is a medical necessity for me. It's been a struggle. If I could harness as much energy as I've had to expend with the insurance companies to a tread mill - I might not have had the elevated blood pressure and everything else that is now starting to creep in with the weight I've now had for an extended period.

I don't want this entry to become to wordy. I just wanted to let you know that today

the insurance company finally conceded that this problem has been going on since 1990 and 18 years later, after a pattern of weight that has taken me from 170lbs (from a low of 135) to now 285 lbs., it's time to do something radical.

So, I'm having the lap band surgery May 20, 2008. I look forward to eating a new way, looking a new way, and hopefully a reversal of my overall health trend.

I'm glad that you'll be there with me! It means so much! And, like everything else I've accomplished in my life - it's always easier when I walk through it with you. I'll keep you up to date. So check back in the coming weeks as I mark my progress! I'm so happy right now. I just found out a moment ago, and came here to tell you first! Take care, be well - and I'll chart my progress so you'll know how I'm doing!

California to Texas

I had a great time in California even if it was such a short visit.

I got to go by North Hall and say 'hi' to folks. I snapped this picture of the bathroom to show the folks in Austin, at Lambda, how fabulous a bathroom can be. See?!

My subcompact wasn't available, so they upgraded me to a convertible PT Cruiser instead. Fine with me! I had a great time with the top down along the ocean. Although it was chilly.

Monterey was great (as usual). It was beautiful and I loved being at the ocean. I forgot how much I missed it. The greenery picture is right outside my room at the resort I stayed at in Monterey. It was a fun conference and I think my talk went well - or so folks said.

Traveling to California was super fun and I met some great folks. On my flicker site you can see pictures of crew I ran with while I was there. They were such a nice group of women and they went to some length to track me down to invite me to California. Gotta love those folks in Recovery. They are tenacious and willful when it can be a good thing!

There's a picture here of Poodle who I stopped to have lunch with on my way out of town. And, a picture of one of my new friends Jon aka Selena when we were out at a Taqueria the other night. I didn't get the name of that place but everything was uber cheap and it was so good! We'll have to go back there, for sure.

Also pictured here is Jerold, aka Jeroldine. It was so nice seeing him and Rita Lynn who were cutting up during the meeting and I was practically forced to ''shoosh''them! Who knew folks were having so much fun in Sacramento in my absence. :) I also got to see Marissa, and Willamina and a whole bunch of folks I love and miss. I stayed with the ever hospitable Bunny and Ginger. It was great!

Lastly, there's a picture in here of Eric, aka Jessica. He's in full laugh and it's a great picture I think. This too was at the taqueria. What was the name of that place!!??

Back In Austin; From Dallas

We were in Dallas this weekend.

This was the first time that either of us had been there. Of course, we've been through the airport many times as it seems like a hub to everywhere, but we've only seen it from the air.

We went to an 80s dance and it was great fun. There was a large group of us, and it was a very fun road trip!

I'm sure I'll have more pictures on here next visit, but wanted to do a quick update to let you know we're back.

The first picture though is of my Dad's truck. He had an accident last week. He was rear ended and pushed across the lanes of incoming traffic. He was very fortunate and it could have been much worse. This is someone's yard though, who received my dad's truck through their hedge and nearly into their house. He's recovering well and has some back-pain and his vertigo is bad, but he's home and not in the hospital - and resting.

These are the shoes of Princess Lala, aka Steve. Steve has more shoes than Imelda Marcos and these were his pink striped converse-style sneakers. At the dance, we all wore pink carnations so that folks would know our group was from Austin. Thanks Stewart (it was his idea). Of course, Miss Lala couldn't have a pin running through her blouse. So, he came up with the unique idea of wearing one on each shoe like cheerleader poms. Great fun.

And Sunday, I was so wiped out I just laid on the couch. All day. No, really. All day. We didn't get home from Dallas until like 3am (It's a 3 hour drive to Austin) and we were tired. Here's a snapshot of Uno - doing all he does these days - sleeping with me on the couch. It was gray and a little drizzilly outside so it was the perfect day to wrap up with the comforter and Uno and watch Oprah.

Hope your weekend was as fulfilling and relaxing!

Making the National News

Well, we weren't surprised to learn that Austin is one of the fastest growing cities in the U.S. Or, that most of those transplants come from California. You can't spit your skoal out around here without hitting a Californian.

Of course, I hope all these Californians only add to the diversity and flavor of Texas otherwise, it may just turn into another version of California - with home prices to boot.

But for now, prices remain purdy darn low thank goodness. Here's some examples.

http://austinhomesearch.com/Search/Details.aspx?li=451686&or=1&cp=1

http://austinhomesearch.com/Search/Details.aspx?li=454384&or=1&cp=2#

http://austinhomesearch.com/Search/Details.aspx?li=473655&or=1&cp=3#

So home prices are still reasonable by California standards. I'm just glad we moved when we did. I don't know if they will hold out if everyone keeps coming.

Hope you're doing well! We'll hope to see you soon.