C!
Saturday, November 06, 2010
Thursday, November 04, 2010
Sunday, October 31, 2010
A day of shopping
Heading to California next week so need a new outfit. But first a beverage and n oil change. Hope you're having a great day too :)
Thursday, October 28, 2010
A Recovery Speaker: Alicia P
Howdy.
Here's a friend of mine. Alicia P.
I met her in Waco at the 2009 Young People's conference in Texas. It's always a treat, and a trip when you meet someone at an out of town conference, and then come to find out they are where you're from!
I'm glad I met Alicia. Her home group is across town from mine - and it's always nice when I walk in and see her smiling face.
Howdy.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Setting Things Right - If You Can
I've been practicing this spiritual way of life for many years now. It sometimes is put to the test. Not the principles. My ability to incorporate them. The ability to embrace what I've been talking about for nearly half of my life now sometimes requires a perseverance I wonder if I have.
It is the ego of course that drives me to want to adhere to these ideas of making amends. Ego, that I somehow now have to walk this talk that I've been espousing to anyone who'd listen. I've spent hours in gatherings and talking from a podium to folks at these gatherings about the spiritual healing that occurs from this practice. The practice of attempting to make restitution.
I say attempting because restitution is relative.
Restitution =
Reparation made by giving an equivalent or compensation forloss, damage, or injury caused; indemnification.
There have been times when I've been more successful than others. Sometimes reparation is not possible. If you've smashed something to smithereens - like trust. How can you restore that? Sometimes I can't. That doesn't mean I should not make the attempt. Sometimes the very attempt is where the spiritual healing can occur.
If I look inside my heart, and my intentions and then align my actions to match - a miracle can occur. Not that forgiveness is always given. That's not the miracle. The miracle that I have expanded my conscience to genuinely not to repeat a behavior that causes others harm. Sure, it's causing me harm. If it didn't - if there were no consequence - to me - directly - I quite likely wouldn't see the point. I am, still at heart, a selfish being. That, would appear, unfortunately is part of my human existence. Maybe others have transcended this selfishness - I have not (yet).
There will be times when even the superglue of intention, heart felt regret, and action cannot mold back together something which lay in smithereens.
Sorry never held much sway or power in my life. Whether people were conveying it to me (mostly because I knew how little it meant coming out of my mouth) or whether I was trying to convince you I was sorry. I think this was mostly because:
a.) It didn't mean I truly was
b.) I didn't want you to think that it meant I wouldn't do it again tomorrow under the same circumstances.
c.) I didn't want you to think that it meant I wouldn't do it again tomorrow under different circumstances.
Basically, that selfish nature prohibits me from matching my sincerity in the moment to a long lasting memory of the consequences i.e. pain I'm feeling right now. Thus - the humbling act of restitution provides a cost. A tangible way of remembering the cost of my actions. The price to be paid for arrogance and disregard for others.
In this latest instance, I've attempted this act. And, it would appear it's a situation of smithereens. I have no power over this. I can only make the offer of an attempt to set right a wrong. And, whether people then choose to broadcast my shortcomings - to brand me with a scarlet letter - well, maybe that's the cost. The consequence. The price.
So, even if I'm branded whatever the term dujour may be, what's most important to remember - is that somewhere in here there must be a lesson in humility. My instinctual response to want to strike back only would exacerbate this situation. It would certainly defeat any purpose or lesson which may be garnered from this. And, in the end, that may be all there is to gather from this debacle.
I don't think this event is going to alter the course of my human experience. I don't know that I'll not sin again next year. Next month. In the next five minutes. What I pray is, that I don't repeat the same mistakes again. Then - I'd have to say I've found no value what so ever.
But - I believe I have.
Sunday, September 05, 2010
Friday, September 03, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
I'm Not Buying It
So, I guess, Somehow I'm supposed to work up a tear, or sigh an exhale of - isn't that wonderful that this 'fairytale' has a happy ending.
http://www.addthis.com/bookmark.php?v=250&username=xa-4be9943c2de1875b
For years this bigot-acting-straight-wanna-be has thrown the community under the bus. Now, he would seek to have us sigh a sigh of relief that he's now on 'our side'. But, from the many people I know in my life who have a change of heart, after finding themselves in handcuffs - I'm certain he wouldn't be the rainbow flag waving supporter he's attempting to portray himself as if he hadn't been pulled over and made to pirouette on a straight line.
While I'm happy he's no longer actively legislating and advocating against human rights - It's going to take far more than an apology to erase the years of advocacy that has undermined the community he now has the fortune to find himself in and on the receiving end of some of the intolerance that for years he has fostered himself. Like anyone who indicates "I'm sorry". I'd rather see "action".
In the famous words of Miss Janet Jackson "What have you done for me . . . lately?"
I understand this politician is ending the his tenure at the end of this legislative session - but I hope he will aspire to a position of true advocacy, rather than taking a retirement and sulking away with the hollow "I'm sorry" still ringing in our ears. I will hold my empathy/sympathy until I see what the Honorable Roy Ashburn does with this new found appreciation for all things humane and born-again fuzzy feeling for the community he's bashed for years. THEN, I may work up an applause. Holding til then.
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