How It's Going So Far

So, I hadn't updated my blog like I hoped I would because I was feeling pretty poorly right after surgery. But, I'm feeling great now, so no more excuses.

Beginning weight 280, Current weight 257

I went to Austin Surgical Hospital in the morning of my surgery. The folks there were very nice. I went ahead and cut all my hair off so I wouldn't have to do the dirty hair thing in the hospital - gross.

The surgery itself was good except that those lovely folks could not find my veins for the I.V. Fourteen pokes later and calling in the Anesthesiologist to find the vein and I was out in no time at all. I remember being wheeled into the operating room and even moving over to the table. But, then it was me waking up. It didn't hurt too bad, I was mostly just tired. I was sore too but mostly feeling nausea from the gas that they use. They fill you with gas to move around inside you, so that gets trapped inside once they close you up. It feels like indigestion but only worse.

After I got home, I was on the couch for a week. I thought I'd bounce right up maybe 2, or at the most three days later. Nope.

The pain medication made me feel like a zombie and I was nauseous and had a fever. It was difficult to hold down even water. I didn't throw-up once. That's good because that's one of the things they warn about as you don't want your band to slip. Unfortunately I got so dehydrated and potassium deficient I was extremely weak and my legs felt like they were on fire! No - really. On fire.

But once the fever went away and I could eat a smashed banana and have some water, all was better. I wasn't able to go back to work the second week after all. I was still too sore. My bruising on my stomach didn't start until the second week and then it was so painful, I could hardly move. I stopped taking the pain medication however because I just felt foggy, not better, because of it.

In fact, I think I really started getting better when I stopped taking that medication.

So, I'm back at work. I'm feeling great. Although I haven't had my first saline fill. I'm expecting to do that next week - and I'll let you know how it goes. I'm not looking forward to it, because it means more needles. God, I hate those! But I am anxious to have the fill because my appetite has been growing. And, without the restriction of the band, there's not much to keep me from eating.

The nurse at the clinic said, "well, until we get your band filled you'll just have to restrain yourself. Just don't eat."

Hello?! If it were that simple - would I have needed the surgery in the first place? Thought not.

I'll be happy to let you know how I'm progressing but folks have already said they've seen progress. I don't so much see it yet, but my pants do fit just a little looser but I haven't gone down a size or anything yet. I hope you're doing well - and I look forward to seeing you soon.

A Moment of Pause and Meditation

I'm so glad... I took the time prior to the surgery to just spend some time with myself and nature. I was with friends, and so I wasn't alone. But, what it provided was an opportunity for me to have a moment to reflect on the way I've been living with my eating and diet, and how that's going to change.

I was outside of Nashville, Illinois and it was such a peaceful and serene setting. There was a beautiful lake and I let Priscilla and the Empress talk me into canoing into the middle of the lake. Normally not such a scary thing but I was doing my best to avoid anything that might result in a bruise or bump. I didn't want anything to come between me and the surgery.

They were very clever though and convinced me to sit in the middle of the canoe and they would paddle at either end.

What I didn't realize was that my butt would be on the cold metal bottom,

I'd be sitting cross-legged between two metal cross-bars. This resulted in a claustrophobic and penned-in position. My fear was that the canoe would roll and I'd be pinned. It only got worse when the confined position made my legs, feet and ass completely fall asleep! This made me go into a panic and a rocking of the canoe which left us all giggling and me begging to return to shore. It was fun however.

I did pass up horseback riding knowing that with my luck I'd be thrown. So while the others went riding it gave me the perfect opportunity to sit and watch the peaceful lake and beautiful woods.

I can't really say how things will change. I've become so accustomed to eating such large portions I can't fathom a person can eat such a small amount and not suffer from hunger. But, I'm trusting this process and the doctors and know that if they say it's so, then it probably is.

Mostly, I enjoyed looking upon this occasion as my "last fat weekend". So many times I've gone on retreats or camping and have felt left out because I didn't feel comfortable doing the things that my friends were doing. Once, I actually wanted to go horseback riding but was told there was a 250 lb weight limit. It was embarrassing to have to sit on the sidelines while others enjoyed a period on the trails.

Unfortunately, there was nothing on the menu I could eat at this retreat. Quite literally everything was carbs with a side of carbs. LOL. Isn't that poetic? My last weekend and unable to eat.

Priscilla to the rescue who arranged for some meat and cheese so that I wouldn't starve. At one point we joked that if I didn't eat something by the end of the weekend, I wouldn't need the surgery.

All in all it was a wonderful time to reflect and laugh with friends. I got to spend the weekend with Empress and Dixie - two of my most favorite people in the world - along with Priscilla who was so sweet and treated me like royalty. I sure do love life - and the wonderful people who make up the bulk of it. It was nice to be home though. Monday was my pre-op appointment. My weight: 272lbs.

I look forward to seeing you all soon.

Gettin My Eat On.. One Last Time

OK. So, it's probably like an alcoholic who's going into rehab the next day. I'm all about one last hurrah.

It's weird though if you think about it. The notion that a person is used to eating a certain amount of food. Maybe not at every sitting, but you know how even you probably get at say, Thanksgiving. It usually involves eating alot. If not to the point where you're uncomfortable, at least more than you usually do.

So, that's me.

Eating more than you usually do.
Eating more than I usually do more often than I usually should
Resulting in more poundage than a person should usually carry
Ending in health effects not usually found in a person my age.
Following so far?

But I genuinely love to eat.

Not just because it's gluttonous, which it can be, but because I like the whole ritual. I like selecting the location and the preparation and anticipation of getting into the car with friends. I like the changed atmosphere of eating at different places. I like the contemplation of the different choices and weighing what the restaurant's specialty is against my likes and dislikes. Many of my friends know I can never make up my mind in the end, and usually ask the server do you like choice A better, or choice B? Always following the advice of someone who probably has had each dish a hundred times.

I like to take notice of the table setting and how nice things are laid out. I like to be greeted by friendly folks, who seem happy to see me, even if the goal is to solicit the largest tip they can garner from me.

I also like the chat and banter with folks I love while waiting to see the various selections come out of the kitchen and land in front of each of my friends and family. I adore the oohs and ahhs as we see what each other ordered. Maybe I should have ordered that? "Can I have a taste?" Or maybe "I'll just order that next time."

And then there's the meal of course. If it's good, preferably large portions. Because I like the taste. And I don't want it to be over quickly. I like the different textures. Rob and my family have gotten used to my odd manner of eating by mixing up all my food on the plate. The end result may look a little scrambled everything - but that's how I like it.

I like to see how the flavors mix together and yet, how they are separate. I like the different flavors mixing together and yet remaining independent enough for me to discern what I've taken a spoonful of. And, I like the texture of meat, and a vegetable and I really like it when there's a crunch-thing somewhere thrown in there.

Yes. I love to eat.

Of course, this is a curse as much as a blessing. It's a blessing because through lots and lots of error in my adolescent attempts at cooking (just ask my brothers and sister about the debacles of cinnamon spaghetti or ketchup and chili pepper shepherd pie), I've learned over time how to cook. What goes good together - what textures do NOT work together, what colors look most appropriate on a plate and how to create a dish out of what you just have on hand. I can do these things. All because I love food.

The curse is self-evident. There's no need to go into long detail here. There's by-products that some know about of course. Sleep apnea, elevated blood pressure, constant fatigue, inability to sit in certain seats, choosing tables over booths at restaurants, walking a much shorter distance than the beautiful scenery deserves, running out of breath after just a few steps of stairs. etc. It really does go on ad infinitum but it culminates in an overall appearance and feeling that leaves me feeling left-out. Not part of society. Not like everyone else.

I've had airline stewards stand by as I seat myself on a plane with a warning that if my seat-belt doesn't fit around me I may need to make other arrangements, such as purchasing an additional seat (if one seat belt doesn't fit how will two seats side-by-side belts work?), I've missed every swimming season since 1996 because I refuse to be seen in a swim-suit which has resulted in a pale freckly skin that hasn't seen the sun in a decade. And most recently kids pointing and calling me names which brought about all manner of horrible high-school flashback.

No. The time has come to be willing to trade the love of food and eat - rituals and all to become a member of society again. Some people can balance their love of food with a healthy life and waistline. I - it would appear - after years of failed trying - that I am not one of them.

So, while I'll be able to eat anything I want (well almost anything - no popcorn, carbonated beverages, flour products like tortillas - what? tortillas!?!!) I won't be eating in the quantities that I've become accustomed to. I'm kinda sad about it. But NOT depressed!

I'm too looking forward to the change in my life to be dragged down by what I'll be missing. I hope you join me in that sentiment.

So on to the pictures. One of my favorite restaurants in Austin is Magnolia Cafe. I'm going to miss breakfast tacos. But, I'd also like to go swimming and ride my bike again.

We had a beautiful weekend. Sure it rained, but the sky was amazing and the rain drops were huge! Also the wind really kicked up and sleeping with the windows open I watched the trees whip around all night and rustle me to sleep.

There's a funny restaurant here called "Fran's". In itself it's not a funny hamburger restaurant but there's a very similar restaurant called "Dan's". So similar, it's identical. Identical because they are! Fran and Dan got a divorce and had to split their business. So, half the restaurant's are Dan's, and half are Fran's - otherwise, exactly the same.

Lastly, we went to my favorite restaurant in Texas, so far, on Mother's day. It's the Silver K in Johnson City. They have the most amazingly delicious food. Here's some fantastic chicken they serve there, pecan crusted fried chicken. Yum.

I hope this finds you well. The count down to May 20th has begun. That's the date of my surgery. Today the scale read 271 which is down from 281 when I started eating an all protein diet in preparation for surgery. It can only get better.

Today was the Day

Well my friends. Today was the day. I'm coming out. Not in the way that you might think. Or, you might be thinking - I thought you already did that?

I'm coming out as an ashamed and embarrassed person.

It's not been something I've been comfortable with. I, like many of the people in America, am obese.

I haven't really wanted to talk about it. It's a sore subject. I've talked about everything there is to talk about. "Really? That diet worked for you? Well thanks - yes, I'll try that". "Yes, I'm sure portion control is important. Thanks". and "Thanks, I know maybe if I exercised more...".

Most of my well meaning friends and family have offered solicited and unsolicited advice, recommendations and condolences over the years. I take these without any malice because I know they are never delivered with any. I feel wonderful to be loved and supported by so many folks who feel compelled to tell me that they have concern for me, and my health, and my long term ability to be around for the long haul if I don't do something about my weight.

So, I've been working for about 5 years now to try and get Lap Band surgery. As might imagine it's pretty expensive. I think about $25,000 for the procedure and anaesthesiologist. I've been trying to convince my HMO and now PPO that this is a medical necessity for me. It's been a struggle. If I could harness as much energy as I've had to expend with the insurance companies to a tread mill - I might not have had the elevated blood pressure and everything else that is now starting to creep in with the weight I've now had for an extended period.

I don't want this entry to become to wordy. I just wanted to let you know that today

the insurance company finally conceded that this problem has been going on since 1990 and 18 years later, after a pattern of weight that has taken me from 170lbs (from a low of 135) to now 285 lbs., it's time to do something radical.

So, I'm having the lap band surgery May 20, 2008. I look forward to eating a new way, looking a new way, and hopefully a reversal of my overall health trend.

I'm glad that you'll be there with me! It means so much! And, like everything else I've accomplished in my life - it's always easier when I walk through it with you. I'll keep you up to date. So check back in the coming weeks as I mark my progress! I'm so happy right now. I just found out a moment ago, and came here to tell you first! Take care, be well - and I'll chart my progress so you'll know how I'm doing!

California to Texas

I had a great time in California even if it was such a short visit.

I got to go by North Hall and say 'hi' to folks. I snapped this picture of the bathroom to show the folks in Austin, at Lambda, how fabulous a bathroom can be. See?!

My subcompact wasn't available, so they upgraded me to a convertible PT Cruiser instead. Fine with me! I had a great time with the top down along the ocean. Although it was chilly.

Monterey was great (as usual). It was beautiful and I loved being at the ocean. I forgot how much I missed it. The greenery picture is right outside my room at the resort I stayed at in Monterey. It was a fun conference and I think my talk went well - or so folks said.

Traveling to California was super fun and I met some great folks. On my flicker site you can see pictures of crew I ran with while I was there. They were such a nice group of women and they went to some length to track me down to invite me to California. Gotta love those folks in Recovery. They are tenacious and willful when it can be a good thing!

There's a picture here of Poodle who I stopped to have lunch with on my way out of town. And, a picture of one of my new friends Jon aka Selena when we were out at a Taqueria the other night. I didn't get the name of that place but everything was uber cheap and it was so good! We'll have to go back there, for sure.

Also pictured here is Jerold, aka Jeroldine. It was so nice seeing him and Rita Lynn who were cutting up during the meeting and I was practically forced to ''shoosh''them! Who knew folks were having so much fun in Sacramento in my absence. :) I also got to see Marissa, and Willamina and a whole bunch of folks I love and miss. I stayed with the ever hospitable Bunny and Ginger. It was great!

Lastly, there's a picture in here of Eric, aka Jessica. He's in full laugh and it's a great picture I think. This too was at the taqueria. What was the name of that place!!??

Back In Austin; From Dallas

We were in Dallas this weekend.

This was the first time that either of us had been there. Of course, we've been through the airport many times as it seems like a hub to everywhere, but we've only seen it from the air.

We went to an 80s dance and it was great fun. There was a large group of us, and it was a very fun road trip!

I'm sure I'll have more pictures on here next visit, but wanted to do a quick update to let you know we're back.

The first picture though is of my Dad's truck. He had an accident last week. He was rear ended and pushed across the lanes of incoming traffic. He was very fortunate and it could have been much worse. This is someone's yard though, who received my dad's truck through their hedge and nearly into their house. He's recovering well and has some back-pain and his vertigo is bad, but he's home and not in the hospital - and resting.

These are the shoes of Princess Lala, aka Steve. Steve has more shoes than Imelda Marcos and these were his pink striped converse-style sneakers. At the dance, we all wore pink carnations so that folks would know our group was from Austin. Thanks Stewart (it was his idea). Of course, Miss Lala couldn't have a pin running through her blouse. So, he came up with the unique idea of wearing one on each shoe like cheerleader poms. Great fun.

And Sunday, I was so wiped out I just laid on the couch. All day. No, really. All day. We didn't get home from Dallas until like 3am (It's a 3 hour drive to Austin) and we were tired. Here's a snapshot of Uno - doing all he does these days - sleeping with me on the couch. It was gray and a little drizzilly outside so it was the perfect day to wrap up with the comforter and Uno and watch Oprah.

Hope your weekend was as fulfilling and relaxing!

Making the National News

Well, we weren't surprised to learn that Austin is one of the fastest growing cities in the U.S. Or, that most of those transplants come from California. You can't spit your skoal out around here without hitting a Californian.

Of course, I hope all these Californians only add to the diversity and flavor of Texas otherwise, it may just turn into another version of California - with home prices to boot.

But for now, prices remain purdy darn low thank goodness. Here's some examples.

http://austinhomesearch.com/Search/Details.aspx?li=451686&or=1&cp=1

http://austinhomesearch.com/Search/Details.aspx?li=454384&or=1&cp=2#

http://austinhomesearch.com/Search/Details.aspx?li=473655&or=1&cp=3#

So home prices are still reasonable by California standards. I'm just glad we moved when we did. I don't know if they will hold out if everyone keeps coming.

Hope you're doing well! We'll hope to see you soon.

Quiet Weekend; Easter

Easter snuck up on us quieter than Peter Cottontail. Really. Someone said what are you doing for Easter, and I replied "I haven't thought that far ahead" And they said, "It's in two days". I was all. "Oh". I really had no idea it was so early this year. And, it was another reminder of this transition to Texas. We traditionally spend it with family hiding eggs and watching our nieces and nephews scramble to find the candy and eggs around the yard. It's annual admonishment day for me, since Rob reprimands me for putting my eggs too high or in too hard to find places. I sent out my Happy Easter text messages and received a funny response from one of my many athiest friends.

He reminded me it was "Zombie Jesus Day"

. So, for the remainder of the weekend we wished each other Happy ZJ Day.

There's a picture here of the serene little stream on the Whole Foods patio. I like going there on Sundays and hanging out with the birds. Although H.E.B. the major grocery chain here and the store with near-monopoly was closed. So because it was ZJ day, and few stores were open, Whole Foods was a zoo.

There's also a picture of my spoons that I'm supposed to be eating with. For those of you who don't know, I'm scheduled to have surgery in May. It's all tentative since the insurance company hasn't given final approval, but they've initially said it's OK and at least have helped with all my pre-surgery appointments.

So, in theory, I'm supposed to have the lap-band surgery. I'm looking forward to this since my weight is something I've struggled with over the last several years (over ten years now). It's recently gotten worse as I was called fatty by a group of kids the other day at a street corner. Not that it isn't true, but that hadn't happen to me before. And, the sober-stalker I've accumulated has been sending us mean text messages commenting on the weight. It's not that I've been in denial about it, it's that I feel helpless in this regard.

But, I'm sure you'll be hearing more about it as I'm sure there will be a long string of upcoming blogs related to my progress in this area. My family and others are very happy that I'll be having this procedure, and I'll blog my progress so that those I love in California will be able to keep up with how I'm doing.

There's a fun picture of split-faced Rob on here. And the last picture is of my friend Mike from Blanco. We were traveling to Obama headquarters here in Austin and it was so funny because I was following him and suddenly he stops in the middle of traffic. He ran around to the rear of the car and scraped the bumper. Mike was a huge Bill Richardson supporter but didn't want to show up at O.H. with a Bill Richardson sticker on his car. So funny.

Transition from Winter to Spring

Here we are in that space in Texas where it's cold some mornings - with grey skies, and then some that are bright and sunny and leaning towards hot. It's pretty dramatic the difference between the two.

I've been conflicted this whole primary season. I've always thought it would be great to have a woman president and to that end - I've been a Hillary supporter. But of course Barak is a breath of fresh air from traditional career politicians. Sigh. Then there's the whole experience question. Which, of course - some downplay. But with the state of affairs in the world - particularly the goodwill this administration has squandered internationally - I don't think the experience factor can be completely discounted. However it pans out (my hopes for Hillary are actually only slim - I think she's near concession), I'll support whomever the Democratic nominee is.

Here's some pics. Here's Johnny clean shaven. I was trying to get a snapshot of him with his sporty-goatee. Which I think he had for a day. But, ya gotta be quick I guess.

I went to the Barak headquarters doing some volunteer work. Yes, I know I just said I supported Hillary - but I'm surrounded by Barak-stars and they dragged me down there. Like I said, I don't dislike Barak at all! So, it was nice to be in the headquarters here in Austin and see the enthusiasm - and all the young people! They seem to be fanatical supporters. Nice to see. This was a pink poster there that I liked.

Yet another shot of Uno, the most photographed cat in the feline history of the species. He's just so darn cute and never shys from the camera, so what are you gonna do. Today, he turns 17! So, happy Birthday Uno.

Revolution motors will be new best friend. It's where Bono the mechanic resides and while BMW's are overall reliable cars, because you have to take them to a specialist the wait for service can be long and difficult. You can take it to the dealership sure.. for something like $125 an hour labor charge. So Bono was very nice when he did the initial inspection of my car. He works at Revolution where everyone there speaks with a different accent. I hope we become close, but not too close!!

And here's a friend John. We went to Eric's (Aka Jessica) house for an evening of the video game Rock Band. Wow, was that fun! Like Guitar Hero, Rob's favorite game, you add vocals, drums and a bass guitar. It's way more fun than just GH.

Lastly, Mike the roommate moved out. He has moved on to his own place with new friends - and although he stayed just a short time, we'll miss him. However there's a new face on the horizon. We have Eric moving in with us after the first of the month. He's currently in South America doing an intensive Spanish language course/experience. He seems very outgoing and with a great sense of humor so I think we'll get along great! He's also a coffee lover and appears a pretty happy dude - it'll be nice to add him to the Austin Homestead.

Rob is in Detroit this last weekend. He's speaking at his first recovery conference. Of course, I'm so proud of him and I know he did great - and can't wait to hear the CD. This is a picture of our nephew Grady who looks like he's doubled in size just since we saw him at Christmas!

Oh, and I've been listening to Pandora (pandora.com). I love this site. It's got my favorite music and if you haven't used it - go there. I heard about it a while ago I must admit from Mark, former roommate in Sacramento and I was all "yah, yah - that's nice - a music site". But, now I'm hooked.

I'm traveling to California the first week of April and can't wait. Going to the conference in Monterey and going to stop and visit family and friends in Sac. Hopefully, if you're from there, and you're reading this - be on the look out! I'll be at North Hall the first Thursday in April. Hope to see you there.

Until later....

March Madness - The Texas Primaries

Well... who knew? The whole voting thing in Texas is different than California. It's like a Texas Two-step. There's the voting and the caucus, and they are the same day, which essentially means you vote - twice.

I know.

First you go down and stand for an hour and a half in a line. The only good thing about this is gives you a chance to catch up on your cell phone calls but of course with one finger in an ear, because everyone else is catching up too. Or, you can spend a minute to get acquainted with of your neighbors. That's nice.

Voting was a new experience. Here they caucus and vote on the same day with the delegates that your candidate gets being divided up between vote cast in the voting booth, and vote cast at the caucus. So, if you want your vote to 'really' count - you need to attend both.

I have the sniffles. That's ok, I'll just go down to the H.E.B. and get me some cold medicine - not so fast.

You may be asking what does smog have to do with cold medicine!?
Well, I'll tell you. You can't buy cold medicine with out a Texas Drivers License. Yes, I'm over 18 (barely). And yes, I have a drivers license. BUT - I don't have a Texas Drivers License. So, stuffed up head? - too bad.

And, I couldn't get my drivers license until I had a registration on my truck. And, I couldn't get my registration on my truck until I had my smog - and once you have that, and you go to two different offices (one for registration, one for drivers licenses - see?) THEN you can buy cold medicine.Sigh.

We got a new car, one that will get better gas mileage than that truck! So, now we have the truck smogged it can get covered and go in the garage until someday when gas is less than a month's salary per gallon and drive it again.

There's a picture here too of Rob sitting on the back porch. We (insert royal version here) cleaned up the backyard of leaves and now Rob loves sitting out there under the trees and watching the (grey) skies. Also here, a picture of Uno who at 17 years old, this week - still doesn't like the vacuum. You'd think he'd have gotten used to it by now! :)

Also a picture here of roommate Johnny and I at the movies. He works nights so - like a vampire we never see him in the daylight. I thought I'd snap a picture to prove he's a day-walker and not a creature soley of the night.