This I Believe - Essay

Alright Rob.. stop nagging! ...or, the next essay of "This I Believe" I write will be .. "I Believe in the Lethality of Whining". LOL.

I wrote an essay for NPR's series of "This I believe". After several months, still no word.

We were driving in the car the other day listening to a podcast of the NPR program and I mentioned, off-the-cuff, "Oh. I wrote an essay and sent it in sometime ago but haven't heard from KUT the local NPR affiliate". He was all.. "what?"

So after Rob read it he insisted I post it on here and even instituted a deadline. So, here it is....

This I Believe. I Believe in Matrimony:

At an alter two years ago I stood surrounded by my friends and family. I resisted this day. Not because I didn’t love the man I was about to give my vow to, not because I had any particular fear, or cold feet about it. It was a decision we made, together, years before based on testimony from those who had ventured down the isle before us – many who found themselves disillusioned by ugly divorces and broken hearts. “Unnecessary”, or some variation, some had called it. And up until the moment I looked around, accompanied by those who had brought me life and through it I couldn’t deny that my non-belief in matrimony was being dispelled.

I arrived at this day, not because I’d had a sudden nuptial-epiphany. It occurred to me in Christmas 2005 that my parents were aging. For years my Mother and family had inquired if we were ever going to get married. “Unnecessary” or some variation of the answer I’d respond. I was delicate – not wanting to appear uncaring for their belief in a tradition that they nearly all had taken part in.

It was encouraging that they held such a high regard for an institution so many of my friends disparaged. But as I watched my Mother standing over a steaming pot of Tamales, as she had for a multitude of Christmas eves and my Father appearing non-phased by the overexcited grand children asking if they could open their gifts – that all of a sudden tradition seemed to be something impermanent. It would require successive generations to carry on these tasks and to reinvest in their importance for them to continue. It was in that moment that I realized if I changed my mind about the “necessity” of matrimony those that I would want most with me on that day, might not be here.

I became emboldened through my melancholy and before I knew the words were coming out of my mouth, I asked my family “What do you think about a wedding?” My sister in law Gina stopped stirring the beans, my Sister Rocki looked up from the table, and my mother, who is a stroke-survivor, did her unsuccessful best to not contort her face before she began to cry.

I recall these memories now that I live in Texas, far from my family in Sacramento.

I remember the lovely April day - rainy on the outside - sunny on the inside. We decided to make it a surprise wedding – another story in itself. But after 16 years, I was fairly assured that Rob wouldn’t decline the proposal.

In the moments before our walk began, I peered down from the balcony at the gathered guests, array of family-favorite wedding cakes and Mariachi musicians and I was assured I was doing the right thing.

And in that moment, when I said “I do”, it was though I was responding to the question, “Do you believe in marriage?” “I do.”

Christopher lives in Austin, Texas with his Husband Rob. They celebrate their wedding Anniversary, April 2nd. They've been together since October, 1989.

The Most Awesome July Ever

So we're recovering from our 4th of July weekend, that was packed with so much fun. We enjoyed spending time with friends and enjoying the fireworks. Our friend David TMT hosted a wonderful rooftop party to watch the fireworks over downtown. I made a 4-layer berry biegnet. It was tasty and tall. Then we celebrated our friend Rob's birthday at the Romeos restaurant on Barton Springs. It was good food and great fun. Earlier that morning we had taken our aim at trying disc-golf for the first time. We went to Zilker Park to meet with Mike and Jeff and throw the disc around. It was a good time. Then that evening we were back at Zilker Park at the theatre to see Beauty and the Beast. Our friend Leslie was onstage as Lumier the candelabra. What fun that was! We had a dessert picnic and it was a lovely evening. On the weight loss front it hadn't been going well. I began to refer to my lapband as the hoola-hoop because it was about as big and about as effective at stopping/slowing food into the stomach. Holy jamoly. All that money, time and effort - and nothing. But, that was just me being discouraged and not getting results from the scale as fast as I'd like. I've now gone to the Drs. office and had a new saline fill. This time they added some more at my request - and I can already tell the difference, and it's only been 48 hours. I'm hardly eating but don't feel like I'm suffering so much. I don't know if I feel "full" as much as I feel nauseous at the thought of eating. But hey, I'm not starving - and that was what I most feared. I hate feeling deprived and hungry and I haven't felt either of those things. Let's see how it goes. Starting weight: 280 - Today: 253.